Winning a divorce or property settlement

I understand that a divorce is often an emotionally charged situation that can often only be truly understood by the two people involved. The decision to separate is rarely a split second one, and there are almost always slow burning issues that develop over time and often resentments that build. This can culminate in separation and divorce.

Once the decision is made to get divorced and the matter of child custody and or asset division arises, these emotions can boil over and rational thought can be lost.

Individuals will have ideas about what they want, what they will settle for and what they will not accept. Sometimes these things are based on fact, such as time and money invested into asset generation, prenuptial agreements, and psychological factors. In other cases, they can be formed by vengeful thinking, created by years of hurt feelings and unfulfilled hopes.

The fact of the matter is however, people rarely ever ‘win’ a property/ parenting case. Due to the emotions and stress often involved, the biggest win is closure. If your case goes to court, a judge is not going to make unrealistic rulings based on firm stances one party may take. They will take into account reality, professional opinion from accountants and psychologists for example, and judgement based on the law.

This does not however mean that you should take a divorce lightly and in most cases, getting sound legal advice is essential. I was recently speaking to a divorcee that had been the major caregiver for their children. Due to a lack of relationship development between the partners, they drifted apart and the love they had previously was lost. In the end she wanted more from a partner and realised she was not going to get it in the current relationship, so decided to end the marriage. Just to be clear she was not our client and was a story related to me by a friend.

Until this time while the relationship was not flourishing, it was not destructive either. Due to hurt feelings and advice from her spouses parents, her partner took a very unexpected and hard line stance. This included accusations of abuse, destruction of property, neglect of children, lack of connection between child and mother, and more. All of which were not true and when required, easy to disprove.

What could have been an amicable separation, turned into lengthy court cases involving psychological analysis and police investigation. In the end, after an eighteen month process, the mother received custody of her children nine days out of fourteen, which is what she wanted and thought was fair, and her fair share of assets.

Did she think that she had won? No. She thought the whole idea of winning was unusual. All she wanted was closure. She did not even resent her ex husband, she just felt sorry for him as a person and assumed a lot of his negative behaviour was due to poor advice. I don’t imagine that he felt like he won either.

This case is also a good example of how the unexpected can happen. A good family lawyer can help manage such situations and limit the stress, while also defending you in a stern professional manner.