Identifying Resentments In Relationships

A couple I know were recently divorced. I was not involved in their case from a legal point of view at all. The build up was a common story that is heard these days. They fell in love, got married, had children and slowly the love faded. The wife felt like she was being responsible for all the decisions around raising the children. The husband was trying to advance his career and support the family.

After long days in their role, the wife was tired and felt like a mum, not a lover. The husband meanwhile thought by working and studying hard, he was doing his bit too. Besides, he never did things right and she knew better when it came to children anyway. She felt like he was a bit like another child around the house. Doesn’t sound very sexy, does it? She did not think so and decided to end it.

Their situation was a little unusual. She was from a relatively well off family and they were living in a home owned by her parents, rent free. The husband was from a working class family and had always felt trapped living there and would rather have rented in a suburb he liked, but hey could not afford it. He also began and completed a master’s degree during the marriage.

When the divorce proceedings were announced, the husband took it very personal, but in time realised the relationship could not be revived. His reaction was to demand a large payout that was well beyond the means of his ex wife. They were living week to week.

It soon became clear that he resented her parents and wanted to drag them into the case. He had invested in renovating the house and was asking for half of the homes value due to this. He resented the suburb also. He resented the whole side of town really and wanted to take it out on them.

His demands however were completely unrealistic. Through a process settlement offers and counter settlement offers, he slowly became aware that he could never get what he was trying to claim. The ex wifes assets, and those of her parents were defended and an agreement was reached.

There were children involved and the custody of them was settled very quickly. Being able to realise that his resentment was not personal towards his partner, but to a bigger picture, the matter was able to be solved. He had no legal stand point.

This was resolved about a year ago, and while they are not exactly best friends, they maintain a relationship that is safe and supporting to their children. I have seen similar circumstances representing clients as their family lawyer in Kew. If you need advice or help to plan your divorce, contact me for a free half hour consultation today.